Estaba tomando un descanso

Yes, I was taking a break. Trying to finish up my classes for my license, making presentations, doing interviews, and teaching full-time. So, not really taking a break after all, I guess...

So, here's where things stand since I last posted when I was afraid my Spanish was not improving at all. I was wrong. I'm definitely improving. Every week it's a bit easier. My thoughts flow out of my mouth without my thinking them in English at all. The kids are having to correct me less often. I can explain long things, or give long speeches about behavior, usually.

The kids are learning. I just finished assessing them for end-of-year district requirements. With a couple of exceptions, they are leaping levels in reading and writing. It's hard, hard work, but their behavior is coming along, too. Twice today, I walked down the hallway with them behind me and I didn't have to stop or say anything to anyone. Amazing.

Today, I had a phone interview with MMSD. It was a Spanish screener interview. Lasted for 20 minutes, was entirely in Spanish. Very similar to the ACTFL oral interview, but centered around education only. I did much better than I did on the ACTFL interview. I seemed to do best when I didn't try to think too hard about what I was saying.

We'll see what they have to say, maybe by next week. I really have no idea if they'll think my Spanish is good enough, or not.

This will be my last post. I am officially done with student teaching as of two days from now, when I present my focus project - the learning of the español - to the rest of the students.

Whew.

One more thing...

Oh, and as far as the language is concerned, I feel like I'm not learning anything. I have no time to think about my words, my construction, anything - because my attention is always so divided due to behavior. I think all that's happening, is that I am getting into bad habits b/c I never have time to process anything I am saying.
Grrrrr.

They got me.

Yup. Two weeks in to full-time, bilingual teaching, and they got me.
Since anyone is unlikely to ever read this, I'm just going to vent here for a bit.
This class sucks.
And knowing that they are universally recognized throughout the school as sucking doesn't really help when it's me that they are sucking dry.
There are 10 out of 15 kids in that room who need an eye (or two) on them at all times. It's just too much to keep under control. I'm trying to figure out what went wrong this week - but it's so many things, I can't choose just one or two.
There were 5 major schedule changing events this week. Not helpful.
The only reward they cared about this week was the candy. Stickers, stamps, notes home - bah.
Literally, shaking the candy bag to get their attention was the only thing to get results. They are like dogs!
Even hallway points to get the iTouches didn't really work. There's nowhere that I can walk and see the whole line at the same time because two thirds of it is crap!
So, so frustrated.
And the bickering was awful this week again.
I'm sure I let up a bit this week, and I guess that just shows me that I can't. I have to be mean teacher all the time. How exhausting.
And then, this week, of course, I was trying to actually TEACH more than last week, when I was so focused on behavior. Apparently, teaching is NOT ALLOWED by this group.
Yup.
They got me all right.

I PASSED!!!

I received an Advanced-Low on my written proficiency exam!! That is what I need to be able to be certified as a bilingual teacher. I am so pleased that all my hard work paid off, and that the advances I thought I was making were real.

So, now, on to the Oral Proficiency Exam. I plan to take this in June, right after school lets out. With all the Spanish I'm speaking during the days now in my first grade bilingual classroom, I figure then is my best chance of passing.

And speaking of my class, I just finished my first week teaching. There were two really rough days. One medium day, and two pretty easy days. I've accomplished a great deal with them as far as behavior and routines and expectations go. Yay! There is still much more to do, of course.

Interestingly, I think my Spanish has improved even within this week. The kids love correcting me, and I definitely noticed far fewer corrections at the end of the week. Also, while teaching, I have no time to think about how I want to say something. Occasionally, I can hesitate to mentally conjugate a tricky verb, but other than that, it's all pretty automatic. I was noticing longer, more fluid sentences on Thursday and Friday.

The thing that has most frustrated me this week, is not being able yet to use nuances while speaking - at all! There are things I could explain so, so much better in English than I can in Spanish, and it bothers me that I'm not able to teach as well as I could.

The Permanence of the Written Word

So, I took the Written Proficiency Test again. Took me two hours this time, instead of one. But, I think the essays were quite a bit better for it. Still awaiting results.
In other news, I started my long-term subbing in a bilingual first grade. Only one day in, and then Spring Break came. In that one day, I had to write a letter home to a couple of the girls' parents. They had tied their scarves together at recess and got trapped. The recess teachers ended up needing to cut the scarves apart to free the girls. So, as I'm writing this letter home, I'm freaking out. This is the first time I've ever had to write for a real purpose - to people who don't know that I'm still learning Spanish - and to people who, I'm assuming, expect me to be proficient. Yikes. I have little confidence in myself with this!
And now that I've planned for the week ahead - a full week of teaching - I'm freaking out again. I had to write a little "how to" story as a model for the kids, and I'm second guessing every other word I wrote.
I hope this is just a phase and that I gain confidence soon.

A New Journey Begins

So, it turned out that I was without a voice for 10 days. 10 days people! I couldn't talk to anyone outside of my family, and with them only in whispers. The only way I could communicate was through email. (Yes, I do not text yet.) Anyway, it made me appreciate the ability to write even more. And speaking of... I took my second Written Proficiency Exam in Spanish this past week. (Good thing it wasn't the Oral Exam!)
It will be a while before I find out my results, but I am very hopeful that I've improved the level that I needed to in order to "pass". I've been told it's very difficult to move up a level in 90 days - and they didn't want to let me try at only 85 days - so we'll see. I really see a difference in my writing, so I hope they do, too. I've gone from writing very simple text, saying only those things I am sure I know how to say, to writing everything in English first and then translating into Spanish (to try to break myself of the habit of thinking of things in such simple terms), to writing much more complex things directly in Spanish. I can go in and out of tenses now, and use a lot of connecting phrases so my writing is much more smooth - and I don't have to repeat myself as much because I know a lot more words now. We'll see...
The new adventure just begun yesterday is my long-term (through the end of the school year) subbing job at the girls' school - 1st grade bilingual. It's my first time ever teaching all day, every day in Spanish. My first time having my "own" class in 11 years. My first time working in this district. My first time as a full-time working mom. Whew. I'm really glad to have Spring Break coming this week, so I can plan, organize and clean the classroom, and wrap my head around all of this.
Wish me luck...

Where oh where has my little voice gone?

Yes, so, I have laryngitis. Badly. I've been completely without a voice for two and a half days now, with no signs of improvement.
I guess it's an interesting time to reflect on the power of language - since I've mostly been stuck without it. So, I can't teach without a voice (unless it's my own class who know me and know not to try any craziness on the voiceless teacher). I can't go anywhere and make myself understood. My daughter has had to order dinner for us at Culver's. I've been stuck in my house for days with no one to talk to - can't even call a friend. I have had to cancel any plans I had for the weekend, as they all involved talking with friends. I'll have to go to my new class tomorrow and introduce myself without speaking, and sit for three hours without participating.
Now, I know this will go away. It can't last more than a few more days (right?). And, I can completely understand everything going on around me, so that's good. Still, it's a good lesson in how frustrating and difficult life can be without a voice - whether due to illness or unfamiliarity with a language. The smallest tasks become daunting.
At least I've had a bunch of time to work on my Spanish. I've listened to hours worth of podcasts and written essays galore in the past two days.
I'm signed up to take the Written Proficiency Exam again next week. I really believe my written Spanish has improved greatly over the last three months. I'm going to pass this time!!

Drudgery

We're slogging toward spring here in Wisconsin, and that's an apt metaphor for how I'm feeling about Spanish since my breakthrough. (By the way, it did continue, as long as I was teaching. Since that time I've been doing more bilingual support and less lead teaching, and so some of the effects of the breakthrough have dimmed.)
I've been really busy, subbing every day, and then doing textbook editing after getting home from that. And I've fallen out of the habit of practicing at home as much as I had been. This week, I have Tuesday and Thursday off (!), so maybe I'll get back in the swing of it a bit.
I'm finding the podcasts Showtime Spanish, to be less useful than the Coffee Break Spanish ones - although it is much more at my level, so it's good to be able to listen to their more lengthy and complex conversations.
One thing I did do recently, was to finally find some Spanish books written at my reading level at school. (God, I think they're second grade.) Anyway, I read about 20 of those last week, and took a lot of notes on idioms. My favorites so far: Feliz como una lombriz. (Happy as a clam - sort of.) and Mas soso que un huevo sin sal. (Duller than an egg without salt.) I'm in the process of memorizing about 20 of them.
I'm getting anxious to take the Written Proficiency Exam again soon, before my long term subbing starts, and I have NO time to write. I think I'll schedule it for the week after next when the girls have all their spring music concerts that I want to go to anyway.
Hopefully, that will give me a little time to practice - assuming my new class (Paradigms) doesn't kill me first. I'm so not in the mood for meaningless schoolwork.

Breakthrough?

So, I was subbing today in a bilingual kindergarten class - the first bilingual subbing I've done in a couple of weeks, since I've been trying to knock off my student teaching hours lately. I think I'd forgotten how much Spanish I have to use with the kinders - 100%! Anyway, for whatever reason, today, without actually deciding to, I stopped trying to limit myself to what I'm sure I know when I spoke. Before, I had been careful to try to say those things I knew I could say well. But today, I just let it fly. And yeah, I was tripping over my own tongue fairly frequently, and I actually did get some confused looks now and again - so my ability to convey my message was sometimes too limited. But still, I felt this odd sort of opening in myself of an area I hadn't even really known was closed.
Interesting and very cool.
I'm there again tomorrow. We'll see if it continues...

Coffee Break Español!

I've been working on the Spanish hard this week. With two days off of school, I've got the time. Yesterday, I finished the last lesson of 80 in the Coffee Break Spanish podcasts. Yes, 80 lessons. (Although I confess to skipping 1–9 as they were way, way too easy.) That's 26 full hours of Spanish-learning podcasts. And I was all ready to feel this great sense of accomplishment - and then, in the last lesson, they began touting their next series of 40 lessons, called Showtime Spanish, that picks up where Coffee Break left off.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have more lessons, and hopefully, these will be more appropriate for my level. But still. There's no sense of accomplishment when you realize that you still have a TON more to learn.
It's kind of like parenting, or teaching, I guess. No matter how hard you work, how much time you devote, your work is never truly done. And while that's exciting (when I'm in the right frame of mind), it's also sobering (when I'm in the wrong frame of mind).
I guess you just have to take the little successes and remind yourself of those. For example, I wrote a really long essay - my longest yet, about 5 pages - and just got it back from the bilingual kindergarten teacher who was kind enough to correct it for me. So, either her Spanish is not as good as other's who have corrected me, or I've gotten a lot better, because she had very few corrections for me. So, yay me!

What a week in Wisconsin!

I must interrupt my normal train of thought on this blog to discuss what's been happening this week in Wisconsin. A few days after my last post, our new Republican governor, Scott Walker, unveiled his plan to eliminate collective bargaining rights for nearly all public employees - including teachers. He tried to have this new legislation pushed through the Senate and Assembly in two days time. Massive protests at the capitol here in Madison have ensued, and the Democratic senators had no choice but to flee the state in order not to have a quorum present for voting. The number of protesters has grown daily, beginning with some 10,000 and reaching 70,000 6 days later. All public employee unions have gone on record with Walker stating they will not oppose the cut in health insurance and pension benefits also proposed (our family will begin losing $400/month as soon as this takes effect, as my husband works for the state), but he still flatly refuses to negotiate ANYTHING about killing collective bargaining rights as well. No one knows how this will all end, but now all the country is watching and waiting...
So, in the schools this week, it has been extremely depressing. People are worried about their money and their jobs, yes, but more so, teachers are worried about not having any kind of voice in their schools. They're worried about enormous class sizes, cuts in useful programs, cuts in support positions that directly benefit kids. And even though many have been to the capitol and participated in what has been described as an amazingly energizing, supportive environment, when they're at the schools, there are tears in their eyes on and off through the day.
So, it's pretty obvious which side of the debate I fall on politically. On a personal level, my feelings are just as strong. I've taught in an environment where there is no money, no support, huge classes. It was awful. The thought of doing so again makes me want to run away screaming. The stress was enormous. I don't think it's something I could do and be a good mom.
Further, one of the things I hated about teaching was the feeling that teachers were always being shat upon in one way, or in ten others. And this new legislation is unarguably the biggest load of shit being dumped yet. Why would I want to re-join a profession where people are treated in such a way?!?
And yet, it's what I am trained for, it's what I am sinking $5000 into to be trained better for even as I write this. And I need a job. So what am I supposed to do? What are we all supposed to do?
And worst of all, if this legislation can pass, and most assume it will, what's next? I know Walker's gone on record saying he'll support legislation like Arizona has against latinos. Not only is he going after my school, he'd like to go after the kids in my classes!
Madre de Dios.

Discouragement

I've been spending a lot of my days student teaching lately, mostly speaking in English. In fact, in the past two weeks, I've only taught for one half day in Spanish. And guess what? Today, when I subbed for a kindergarten class in Spanish, I totally sucked. (Pardon the non-teacher language.) I couldn't even understand what some of them were saying! Now granted, kindergarteners can be very random and hard to understand, but seriously?!? And when I spoke, I was making all kinds of weird mistakes - things I haven't done for quite a while.
SO FRUSTRATING!!!
I have applied for a long-term bilingual grade 1 sub position, and interviewed for it last week. I still haven't heard anything, but I don't have a good feeling about my chances. And after today, maybe that's for the best. Maybe teaching in Spanish is just too darn hard for me. Maybe teaching in English is plenty hard enough. Maybe I just need to give up on the whole bilingual license idea...

Writing and more writing

So, I'm in the middle of my student teaching for my ESL license. I was hoping to do more of my teaching in Spanish, but as I've chosen to teach about African folktales for Social Studies, and all the folktales I can get my hands on are in English, I'm having to teach in English. And, even though I seem to be code-switching very naturally, I've noticed that my cooperating teacher sticks to just one language at a time. When I asked her if this was deliberate, she said it was, which means I have to stop myself from randomly speaking in Spanish during teaching.
And so, I have been doing a lot of writing in Spanish instead. I have written a lot of essays, and various communications home that I have asked just about every Spanish-speaking adult in school to correct for me. No one has the time to sit down with me and discuss what I write, but I do get to see comments and corrections. I do feel like my writing has improved since the beginning of January, when I first took the Written Proficiency Test through ACTFL. I am trying to focus on writing in Spanish like I do in English - not limiting myself to writing what I know I can write correctly, because then, my writing sounds like that of a 5th grader. I know I need to repeat less, construct more complex sentences, and use better conjunctions and connecting phrases to make my writing sound more sophisticated. And one of the things that I'm finding is that I need to learn what those phrases, or ways of saying things, are in Spanish. After I learn what they are, I just need to memorize them. For example, in English, we say "That's Greek to me." In Spanish, the saying is "That's Chinese to me." There are many ways of phrasing things in English that are not possible, or simply not done in Spanish. I need the replacement phrases to make my writing more authentic, less choppy. And that's something that is going to come slowly...

And she is slowly dragged under...

Ok, so not that this has anything to do with learning Spanish, but it does have to do with student teaching. Between subbing quite a few days in February, student teaching, learning Spanish and being a mom to 3 young girls, I am feeling a wee bit overwhelmed. I knew February was going to be hard.

Back to learning Spanish. So, I've been subbing in bilingual classrooms. Kindergarten is by far the hardest. I have a kindergartener of my own, and let me tell you, sometimes even I don't understand her. Her thoughts sometimes come out of the blue with absolutely no context attached. She hasn't mastered the "r" sound yet, which can make it hard for other people to understand her. Add to these issues, the language barrier, and I am sometimes at a loss for understanding them. On the other hand, third graders are delightfully easy to understand. We can code-switch constantly and understand each other with near perfection. If I ask what something means, they can tell me, either in English, or by explaining in Spanish. The younger kids don't know how to do that - they can't really understand that I need their help to know what they are saying. It's an interesting developmental difference. In Kindergarten and first grade, everything is done in Spanish, only occasional directions are given in English, and maybe 5 to 10 minutes of basic routines (the calendar and the like). So, my use of Spanish is nearly constant.

Interestingly, I have found that no matter what grade I am teaching, my Spanish is MUCH more fluent by the afternoon than it is in the morning. By the afternoon, I feel like I can say nearly anything I want to, almost without thinking. If I'm not consciously monitoring myself, my thoughts are more likely to come out in English in the mornings.

I also notice how very tired I am after a day with the youngest kids. Not only because they are less self-sufficient, but because of my greater use of Spanish throughout the day. Those are the days when I come home that my brain insists on continuing to think in Spanish all the way until bedtime. And even then, I often have trouble falling asleep because particular phrases from the day are circling around in my head. By the time I wake the next morning, the effect is gone. I know it means good things are happening to be thinking in my second language, but honestly, it's annoying. I wish I could turn it off when I want to. The kids likely feel the same, but have less understanding and knowledge of the process of language learning. I wonder if anyone ever talks to them about all this...

Here we go!

Well, I'm still trying to figure out how to edit my first post "blah blah" which was only meant to see if this thing called a blog was working. I'm finding out that as I re-enter the teaching world 11 years after leaving it, that technology is one of the biggest hurdles I have to overcome, the other being...
Spanish!
So, to give you a bit of background here, I was a teacher for four years outside of Washington, D.C. The school I taught at had 700 students, grades K–6, and was the "International School" for our district, which meant all ELL's went to our school. Spanish was the predominant first language, but there were a lot of others in there too. There were 2 ESL teachers for the whole school. Only one was fluent in Spanish. After her, I was the next most fluent adult at the school - which wasn't very fluent at all. I did what I could, but as a classroom teacher with 25–30 first graders of my own (and no aides or volunteers), that wasn't much. I could occasionally translate, but even at my own conferences, the children often had to act as translators for their parents. At least, I could tell that what they were saying was what I had said...
After my first daughter, and then my second and third daughters, was born, I quit my job, moved to Madison and stayed home with them for the past 11 years. Now that my youngest is in kindergarten, it's time for me to head back to work. To get certified to teach in WI, I had to take 6 credits. So, I began looking around for something good, and I found the ESL/bilingual program at Edgewood College. I took my 6 credits this past summer, loved the program, remembered how much I love Spanish, realized that I need to be able to speak, read, write and understand it, and began studying it.
I took Spanish all through high school, and into a semester of college to get those retroactive credits. Then, tired of it, and wanting a new challenge, I switched to French and took that for 3 semesters. Biggest mistake of my academic career. While I loved French, it completely messed up my Spanish, and by not using the Spanish, I lost most of it.
So, upon beginning to re-learn it this summer, I was very happy to discover that it was still in my brain somewhere, hiding. Things were coming back pretty easily, and then, school started for the year. My plan for this year was to substitute in Verona, where we live and my kids go to school, while finishing my ESL license. I wanted a bit of flexibility to be able to help out in my daughter's kindergarten class, as I did for my other two daughters, and also some flexibility to study for classes. (I was also hoping to continue to freelance for an educational publisher, but that's another long story...)
Nearly all of my jobs as a substitute this year have been in Verona's K–3 bilingual classrooms. I've been working typically 3 or 4 days a week, and teaching in Spanish while doing so. The experience has been amazing, and amazingly difficult, and my Spanish has improved greatly. But more on that in the next post...

The Learning of the Español

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